"2 old ladies having their portrait taken" joke
Two old ladies, one somewhat hard of hearing, decided to have their portraits taken. The photographer welcomed them to his studio and said, "Please take a seat ladies."
The first lady asked her friend, "What did he say?"
"He would like us to sit down." replied the second lady.
Then the photographer asked, "Can you please sit closer so I can focus the camera?"
"What did he say?" asked the first.
"He's going to focus." replied her friend.
"What, both of us?"
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...
A greenhorn visiting Alaska was talking to two old sourdoughs. They informed him he was a cheechako. The greenhorn asked how he could become a sourdough.
The two sourdoughs winked at each other, and told him he had to do three things. First, he had to pee in the Yukon River. more...
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
I'm hungry:
"I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies."
"I could eat the horse and chase the jockey."
"So hungry I'd eat a shit sandwich, only I don't like bread."
"I could eat the arse out of a rag doll more...
What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.