"A dictionary of important terms for parents" joke

DUMB WAITER:
one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
FEEDBACK:
the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
FULL NAME:
what you call your child when you're mad at him.
GRANDPARENTS:
the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
HEARSAY:
what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
INDEPENDENT:
how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
OW:
the first word spoken by children with older siblings
PUDDLE:
a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
SHOW OFF:
a child who is more talented than yours.
STERILIZE:
what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
TOP BUNK:
where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
TWO-MINUTE WARNING:
when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.