"A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly..." joke

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: "That's it." Military
Awards "A general sent some of his men off to fight for their country. Upon returning, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General's office. "Since we weren't actually at war," the General began, "I can't give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated. What we've decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body. You will be given 2 pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts. We'll start on the left, boys, so what'll it be?"
Soldier 1: "The tip of me head to me toes, sir!"
General: "Very good, son, that's 70 inches which comes to 140 pounds"
Soldier 2: "The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip of the other, sir!"
General: "Even better, son, that's 72 inches which comes to 144 pounds"
Soldier 3: "The tip of me dick to me balls, sir!"
General: "That's a strange request, but drop your trousers, son!"
As the general begins the measurement: "My god, son, where are your balls?"
Soldier 3:"Battle Field, Sir!"

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