"And Keep Them" joke

As part of the Olympic bombing investigation, the FBI has assembled over 4, 600 photographs taken at Centennial Park. Amazingly, all of them show OJ Simpson wearing Bruno Magli shoes.
The US Postal Service has introduced the first triangular stamps. They look nice, but... well... I'm just worried about those postal workers who... how can I say this, don't react to change very well. (Daily Scoop) In an unfortunate side effect, letters with the stamp addressed to the Bermuda triangle mysteriously disappear.
The New England Journal of Medicine said that President Clinton's opposition to the medical use of marijuana is misguided, heavy handed and inhumane, not to mention it's a major buzzkill.
The House of Representatives held a hearing on cloning this week. You have to picture this - 400 white guys in blue suits and red ties announced that they want to ban cloning.
New York has introduced a bill to ban cloning of humans. 49 other states introduced bills to ban cloning of New Yorkers.
Scientists in Oregon say they have cloned a monkey. This technique has just been perfected. They tried cloning monkeys in the' 60s but only ended up with bad clones of the Beatles.
Recent tests found that 54% of California's fourth graders scored below average in basic skills.' That's almost half!' said a stunned fourth grade teacher.
The Supreme Court has upheld California's ban on unattended news racks containing sex oriented publications. In a wide ranging decision, the justices have vowed to get pornography off the streets and back on the Internet where it belongs.
NASA has developed a new strategy to counter critics who say that the agency spends too much and doesn't provide sufficient direct benefit to the average taxpayer: they're publishing a series of instructional books based on their unique R & D experience! The first title will be' Repairing and Upgrading Orbital Radiotelescopes for Dummies.'
The Pentagon has revised its position on Gulf War Illness - it doesn't exist, but it may be contagious.
The Mall of America, in Bloomington Minn., is now offering college classes. The best part is, if you flunk out, you can just walk across to the food court and start your job immediately.
Computer users are excited about the new super fast modems. They will allow you to download more easily, set up Web pages quickly, and reach the America Online busy signal much faster.
Doctor Henry Breault, credited with inventing child proof bottle caps, died last week. Dozens of friends and relatives attended what was supposed to be an open casket funeral.
A Harvard study found that kids who feel loved grow into healthier adults. On the plus side for the unloved group, they tended to land high paying jobs as IRS auditors.
Police in New Jersey pulled over what they thought was a drunk driver and it turned out to be a couple engaging in oral sex. The officers issued a stern warning and a high five.
And finally, the fight for market share is escalating in the cereal business. Kellogg offered its new Cocoa Frosted Flakes with sugar and the added kick of chocolate. To stay competitive, General Mills is about to introduce Captain Crack. Just to give you an idea how potent these cereals are, Tony the Tiger went out of control and had to be shot.