"Axioms of Life" joke

Young person to preacher, "REPENT??!! I haven't even pented yet!!"
Thousands of years ago the Egyptians worshipped cats as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over mole hills.
While praising the optimist who created the airplane, let us not forget the pessimist who made the parachute!
In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.
Always forgive your enemies - it aggravates the heck out of them!
Confidence is painting the ceiling after installing the new carpet.
You can't turn back the clock. But you sure can wind it up again.
PATIENCE is something you greatly admire in the driver behind you, but NOT in the one ahead of you.
How proper are the English? Their lifeguards give handshake to handshake resuscitation.
There was a time when anyone spending $100 for sneakers was stocking a shoe store.