Pessimist Jokes

An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive. For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single more...

(From our pastor's sermon on human nature:)
A father had two little sons, one of whom was an eternal optimist, while
the other was a perpetual pessimist. One Christmas he decided try to
temper both of their proclivities: in addition to their standard gifts,
he told them they'd each get something "chosen especially for you!"
His plan was to give the pessimist every toy and game he could possibly
desire, while the optimist would be directed to the basement filled with
manure.
On Christmas, after the normal presents were opened, the father sent the
optimist to the cellar, while leading the pessimist to the room filled
with presents. After the pessimist opened all the gifts, he turned to
his father with a sad face and said: "How can I possibly use all these?
The TV will wear out, the Nintendo will get smashed, and all the other
toys will be broken!" After a few minutes of listening to such woe, more...

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.
Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game; the optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.
That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.
"Why are you crying?" the father asked.
"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken," answered the pessimist twin.
Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of more...

A family had twin boys, but the only resemblance they shared was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other insisted it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other argued that the volume needed to be turned up. They were opposite in every way, one the eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.
Curious to see what would happen, on their birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every game and toy imaginable. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.
That evening the father passed by his pessimist son's room and found him surrounded by his new gifts, crying bitterly.
"Why are you crying?" asked the father.
"Because my friends are going to be jealous, I'm going to have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with all this stuff, I'm going to constantly need batteries and eventually, all my toys will get broken," moaned the pessimist twin.
As the father passed his optimist son's more...

An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.
For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.
The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did more...