"Beer" joke
A couple realise they are spending too much and decide to go through the bills together. "Look at this", demands the wife, "£30 on Beer".
Husband replies, "Well, what about this? £40 on make up?"
The wife looks at him with a smile and says, "Darling I have to have the make up so I can look young and attractive for you."
The husband shouts back, "That's what the fucking beer was for!"
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest:
"Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the more...
During sex last night, my partner whispered in my ear, "Pretend you're my dad."
I was furious.
"You are one sick-minded girl, what a disgusting thing to ask me."
I stormed out of the bedroom and slammed the door.
I mean, you don't expect shit more...
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.