"Birthdays only come once a year" joke

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again

I'm no weather man but the forecast is calling for several inches tonight !

Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep.

Where do you take a dying man?

The living room!

Big cats can be dangerous, but a little pussy never hurt anybody.