"Bizarre news" joke
It's no wonder President Clinton is in so much trouble, according to Executive Mystic Barrie Dolnick. Just look at Bill's astrological chart. Dolnick insists that a "career crisis" is in the stars, and predicts a "slight possibility" of impeachment. Fortunately, says Dolnick, Clinton can ward off these negative influences by "smudging his office with sage after hours, sprinkling sea salt along the doorway, and wearing red or silk undershirts for his protection..."
Or he could try a more drastic approach: a Honduran man castrated himself with a machete because he was "frustrated" that his wife refused to have sex with him. The Heraldo Daily said Juan Varels cut off both his testicles and "put them on a table." After careful consideration, Varels "grabbed them" and went to a health center to have them reattached...
On a sad note, the Psychic Friends Network filed bankruptcy in Baltimore this week. According to court documents, the company's revenues have plummeted to $25 million a year... appparently they didn't see this coming...
In other news...
Alberto J. Vasquez did pretty well when donned a mask and robbed a Dunkin' Doughnuts last week. He and a friend made off with over $1400. But he did some dumb stuff too. Alberto used to work at this same Dunkin' Doughnuts, and an employee thought he recognized Alberto's voice during the robbery. He was even more certain when Alberto's accomplice called him by his nickname "A.J." Police then followed a trail of coins and footprints leading directly to his apartment building, two doors down from the shop... you have the right to remain stupid...
From "Bizarre News" - www.bizarrenews.com
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