Alberto Jokes

I have to get out of here," screamed Father Klaus from the confines of his tiny cell. "Please! Please! I can't stand it in here. I can't breathe. Please, won't somebody help me before the walls close in?" His pleading trailed off into the stale air of the monastery's damp stone halls.

Outside the bolted door, Fathers Pietro and Alberto shook their heads in pity. Father Klaus's condition had gradually worsened to the point where it became necessary to lock him away every time he had an attack. They were reluctant at first but when he threatened to jump from the belfry a few months ago, the monks were left with no choice.

Besides, none of them had any medical training so they would be unable to help their unfortunate comrade. Not that such training would have done any good. Father Klaus's condition was more psychological than physical and thus, required a completely different method of treatment. None of them felt qualified to delve into the deepest more...

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales announced on Monday that he has resigned from his position effective September 17th. When asked what he plans on doing after his resignation, Gonzales replied, "I don't recall ever resigning."

Bizarre news
It's no wonder President Clinton is in so much trouble, according to Executive Mystic Barrie Dolnick. Just look at Bill's astrological chart. Dolnick insists that a "career crisis" is in the stars, and predicts a "slight possibility" of impeachment. Fortunately, says Dolnick, Clinton can ward off these negative influences by "smudging his office with sage after hours, sprinkling sea salt along the doorway, and wearing red or silk undershirts for his protection..."
Or he could try a more drastic approach: a Honduran man castrated himself with a machete because he was "frustrated" that his wife refused to have sex with him. The Heraldo Daily said Juan Varels cut off both his testicles and "put them on a table." After careful consideration, Varels "grabbed them" and went to a health center to have them reattached...
On a sad note, the Psychic Friends Network filed bankruptcy in Baltimore this week. more...

It's no wonder President Clinton is in so much trouble, according to Executive Mystic Barrie Dolnick. Just look at Bill's astrological chart. Dolnick insists that a "career crisis" is in the stars, and predicts a "slight possibility" of impeachment. Fortunately, says Dolnick, Clinton can ward off these negative influences by "smudging his office with sage after hours, sprinkling sea salt along the doorway, and wearing red or silk undershirts for his protection..."
Or he could try a more drastic approach: a Honduran man castrated himself with a machete because he was "frustrated" that his wife refused to have sex with him. The Heraldo Daily said Juan Varels cut off both his testicles and "put them on a table." After careful consideration, Varels "grabbed them" and went to a health center to have them reattached...
On a sad note, the Psychic Friends Network filed bankruptcy in Baltimore this week. According to court more...

Tropical Storm Alberto is set to hit Florida tonight. Thousands of Floridians are evacuating, but not enough to make a difference in the 2008 election.