"Buying snails for your wife" joke
A guy found himself in the mood around bedtime. He began cuddling up to his wife who was clearly not interested. He asked her what the problem was.
She complained that he was totally unresponsive to her needs. In typical male fashion, he protested, then asked what she meant.
She replied, "For example, I'm in the mood for snails right now."
"You've got to be kidding. It's 11 PM: where the hell am I going to get escargot at this hour?!" he protested.
"If you don't care enough to get me snails, you ain't getting any." We next find our disgruntled husband an the local 24 hour supermarket, buying a box of live snails. On the way home, as luck would have it, he stopped to help a lovely young thing with a flat tire; and that's about all that was flat.
After a few drinks at a local watering hole, he found himself in her bed, doing what he originally had proposed to his wife. Our wayward husband was shocked when he woke at 8 AM. He raced home, searching his mind for an appropriate excuse.
As he approached his front door, he heard his wife walking to the door from the inside. He quickly dumped the box of snails on the porch and as the door opened he said, "Come on guys, we're almost there!"
(Jerry Wood on the Tonight Show)
Not enough votes...