Mood Jokes

A man arrived home from work one day and found his wife alone in the kitchen in a great mood, dancing and singing.
"What has you in such a happy mood today?" he asked.
"I had my checkup today," she explained, "and my doctor said I have the breasts of an eighteen year old."
"Really," the husband replied, "and what did he have to say about your fifty year old ass?"
"Actually," she said, "your name never came up!"

> >ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING......... By Francie Baltazar-Schwartz
> >
> > Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always
> > in a good mood and always had something positive to say.
> > When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply,
> > "If I were any better, I would be twins!"
> >
> > He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who
> > had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason
> > the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a
> > natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was
> > there telling the employee how to look on the positive side
> > of the situation.
> >
> > Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to
> > Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all
> >of the time. How do you do it?" Jerry replied,
> >
> > "Each more...

To My Critics
When I am in a sober mood
I worry, work and think
When I am in a drunken mood
I gamble, fight and drink
But when all my moods are over
And the world has come to pass
I hope they bury me upside down
So the world can kiss my ass

> >>There's this kid who lives on a farm. He comes home from school, in
> a
> >>really bad mood. He sees a pig and kicks it. Then he sees a
> chicken and
> >>kicks
> >>that. Then he walks into the house.
> >>"I saw you kick those animals," his mother said, "For kicking the
> pig,
> >>you'll have no bacon for a week. For kicking the chicken, you'll
> have no
> >>eggs
> >>for
> >>a week." The kid's about to say something, when his father walks in
> the
> >>door,
> >>also
> >>in a foul mood, and kicks the cat. The kid says to his mother, "You
> want
> to
> >>tell
> >>him, or should I?"

Great things about being a bloke!!!
* Understanding football (any football!)
* A five day holiday requires one overnight bag
* Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat
* Queues for the bathroom don't exist
* You can open all your own jars
* When clicking through the channels you don't have to stall at every shot of someone crying
* All your orgasms are real
* You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around
* You can go to the bathroom without a support group
* When your work is criticised, you understand that everyone doesn't secretly hate you
* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
* You never have to clean a toilet
* You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes
* You save time and money by washing up in bulk every third week
* Sex means never worrying about your reputation
* Wedding plans take care of themselves
* If someone forgets to invite you to something, it means that more...