"Great things about being a bloke" joke

Great things about being a bloke!!!
* Understanding football (any football!)
* A five day holiday requires one overnight bag
* Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat
* Queues for the bathroom don't exist
* You can open all your own jars
* When clicking through the channels you don't have to stall at every shot of someone crying
* All your orgasms are real
* You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around
* You can go to the bathroom without a support group
* When your work is criticised, you understand that everyone doesn't secretly hate you
* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
* You never have to clean a toilet
* You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes
* You save time and money by washing up in bulk every third week
* Sex means never worrying about your reputation
* Wedding plans take care of themselves
* If someone forgets to invite you to something, it means that they forgot to invite you. It doesn't mean that they hate you, and he or she can still be your friend
* You don't have to shave below your neck
* None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry
* You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night
* If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices
* You can write your name in the snow
* Biological clock? What's that?
* Chocolate is just another snack
* Flowers fix everything
* You never have to worry about other people's feelings
* You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours
* Reverse parking is easy
* Foreplay is optional
* Window shopping is what you do when you buy windows
* Michael Bolton does not exist in your universe
* You don't have to clean your house if the meter reader's coming by
* You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid. In fact you encourage them.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth
* You don't give a rat's ass if no-one notices your new haircut
* You can quietly watch a game on TV with a buddy for hours without ever thinking he's mad at you
* You never look at the size of a baby's head and cringe
* The whole world is your urinal
* Hot wax never comes near your pubic area
* One mood, all the time
* Same work, More pay!
* Grey hair and wrinkles add character
* The remote control is yours and yours alone
* No such thing as bunny-hopping half an inch above the toilet seat
* People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them
* You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother
* You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked
* If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends and they won't try and work out what the problem is
* Someday you'll be a dirty old man. And you're looking forward to it
* You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood
* Dieting involves getting regular sized fries with your burger
* Porn movies are designed specifically with your mind in mind
* You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries
* Not liking a person doesn't exclude having great sex with them
* Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "so..., notice anything different?"
* Farts are funny
* Baywatch