"Christmas Controversies" joke

WHICH IS BEST?
CONTROVERSY Should the tree be real or fake?
YUPPIE Live tree, planted after use
MALE Fake tree, discarded after use
FEMALE Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits
REALITY Fake tree stays up until May, adorned with fur-balls

CONTROVERSY Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?
YUPPIE Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm
MALE Bulbs flash logo of football team
FEMALE Elegant flickering candles
REALITY Tree bursts into flames, burns house down

CONTROVERSY Should tree be topped with an angel or a star?
YUPPIE Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female stereotype
MALE Blonde angel, kneeling, in a wet T-shirt
FEMALE Authentic angel explains true meaning of Christmas
REALITY Hell's Angel steals the tree and the gifts

CONTROVERSY Do you fling or hang tinsel?
YUPPIE Empower each strand w/self-determining skills
MALE Six large clumps of tinsel on front of tree
FEMALE Each icicle hangs like strand of delicate artwork
REALITY More icicles on floor than on tree

CONTROVERSY Do you open gifts on Christmas Eve or morning?
YUPPIE Gifts opened on posted, individual schedules so all enjoy surprise
MALE Anytime, just so it doesn't interfere with football
FEMALE Anytime the entire family is present
REALITY Doesn't matter, everyone's peeked anyway

CONTROVERSY Ham or Turkey for Christmas Dinner
YUPPIE Baked Tofu Balls stuffed with wheat germ
MALE Anything, as long as there's plenty of both it - and beer
FEMALE A meal the entire family plans and prepares
REALITY Chinese carryout or McDonald's