"Cool Bumper Stickers!" joke

Cool Bumper Stickers
-A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
-Horn broken, watch for finger.
-My kid had sex with your honor student.
-If at first you don't succeed, try not to look astonished.
-I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
-Jesus loves you... Everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
-I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
-Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. -Keep honking, I'm reloading.
-Hang up and drive.
-Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
-Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
-If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
-Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
-I want to die in my sleep like my Grandfather did, not kicking and screaming like his passengers.
-I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
-We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
-Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
-Make it idiotproof and someone will make a better idiot.
-I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
-He who laughs last thinks slowest!
-Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
-There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
-Assassins do it from behind.
-If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
-Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
-I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
-Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
-I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
-Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
-Few women admit their age...few men act theirs.
-We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
-Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.