"Cool Bumper Stickers!" joke

Cool Bumper Stickers

-A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

-Horn broken, watch for finger.

-My kid had sex with your honor student.

-If at first you don't succeed, try not to look astonished.

-I. R. S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

-Jesus loves you... Everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

-I'm just driving this way to piss you off.

-Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. -Keep honking, I'm reloading.

-Hang up and drive.

-Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

-Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.

-If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

-Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

-I want to die in my sleep like my Grandfather did, not kicking and screaming like his passengers.

-I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

-We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

-Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

-Make it idiotproof and someone will make a better idiot.

-I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!

-He who laughs last thinks slowest!

-Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

-There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

-Assassins do it from behind.

-If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

-Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

-I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.

-Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

-I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

-Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

-Few women admit their age... few men act theirs.

-We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

-Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.