"Dear Tech Support" joke

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5. 0 to Husband 1. 0 and noticed a slowdown in overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5. 0.
In addition, Husband 1. 0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9. 5 and Personal Attention 6. 5, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5. 0 and NBA 3. 0. and now Conversation 8. 0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5. 3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Desperate
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Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5. 0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1. 0 is an operating system.
Try to enter the command:
C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6. 2 to install Guilt 3. 0.
If all works as designed, Husband 1. 0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2. 0 and Flowers 3. 5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband and Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1. 0 or reinstall' Another Boyfriend' program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1. 0.
In summary, Husband 1. 0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3. 0 and Lingerie 7. 7.
Good Luck,
Tech Support