Jewelry Jokes

A man walks into a jewelry store on a friday with a sexy blond on tow.
"We would like to have a look at your ring collection" the man says to the jeweler.
The jeweler shows him a couple of rings in the R10k range....
"No" the man replies, "i'm looking for something REALLY nice".
The jeweler then takes him to the back, into the safe and past the security guards to the seriously expensive rings.
The man selects the most impressive one and asks the jeweler - -How much for this one?
R250k replies the jeweler, while watching the blond's face light up like a christmas tree.
OK, i will take it says the man, but can i pay by cheque?
"I am afraid we do not accept cheques" replies the jeweler.
OK says the man- How about i write you the cheque, then you keep the ring and the cheque until the cheque clears, and only then will we pick the ring up.
Fantastic plan, says the jeweler!!
Then the man leaves the jewelry more...

Judi was walking by the jewelry store one day in the midtown mall. She saw a diamond bracelet that she really liked. In the store she went.“Excuse me,” she said to the sales lady behind the counter, “Will a small deposit
hold that bracelet until my husband does something unforgivable?”

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. "Mother, where do babies come from? " The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, "Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex." The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, "That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey." The child seems to comprehend. "Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that? " "Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry."
Jewelry "A mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.
Child: Mother, where do babies come from?
Mom: Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex. (The daughter more...

Smaller or larger tuxedo

A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo.

After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom's. Explain to the tux shop what you're up to. Pick up the groom's fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed.

The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don't reveal that you know anything as long as possible.

Write on the bottom of shoes

Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote "Help" on the bottom of the groom's left shoe and "Me" on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation more...

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5. 0 to Husband 1. 0 and noticed a slowdown in overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5. 0.
In addition, Husband 1. 0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9. 5 and Personal Attention 6. 5, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5. 0 and NBA 3. 0. and now Conversation 8. 0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5. 3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Desperate
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Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5. 0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1. 0 is an operating system.
Try to enter the command:
C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6. 2 to install Guilt 3. 0.
If all works as designed, Husband 1. 0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2. 0 and Flowers more...