Jewelry Jokes / Recent Jokes
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled
with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. " I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a more...
Smaller or larger tuxedo
A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom’s tuxedo.
After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom’s. Explain to the tux shop what you’re up to. Pick up the groom’s fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed.
The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don’t reveal that you know anything as long as possible.
Write on the bottom of shoes
Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote “Help” on the bottom of the groom’s left shoe and “Me” on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation saw it. Of more...
Los Angeles police are investigating a burglary at Paris Hilton's home they say left her bedroom ransacked and about $2 million in jewelry missing. The burglar is the first man to leave Paris Hilton's bedroom with valuable jewelry and no STD.
Martha Stewart vs Me... Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time. My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag. Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes. My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year. Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling. My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway? Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room more...
Judi was walking by the jewelry store one day in the midtown mall. She saw a diamond bracelet that she really liked. In the store she went.
“Excuse me, ” she said to the sales lady behind the counter, “Will a small deposit
hold that bracelet until my husband does something unforgivable? ”
Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.
Child: Mother, where do babies come from?
Mom: Well dear.... a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room... they kiss and hug and have sex.
(The daughter looks puzzled.)That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.
Child: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?
Mom: Jewelry, dear.
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5. 0 to Husband 1. 0 and noticed a slowdown in overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5. 0.
In addition, Husband 1. 0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9. 5 and Personal Attention 6. 5, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5. 0 and NBA 3. 0. and now Conversation 8. 0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5. 3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Desperate
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Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5. 0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1. 0 is an operating system.
Try to enter the command:
C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6. 2 to install Guilt 3. 0.
If all works as designed, Husband 1. 0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2. 0 and Flowers more...