"Demerit Point System Used by Women." joke

DEMERIT POINT SYSTEM USED BY WOMEN
(The code is finally broken - the demerit system is no longer a mystery!) For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance and relationship responsibilities, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects... Sorry, but that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system.
SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed... 1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows... 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets... -1 You leave the toilet seat up... -5 You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty... 0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex... -1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom.-2 You check out a suspicious noise at night... 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing... 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something... 5 You pummel it with a six iron... 10
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS You stay by her side the entire party... 0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy... -2 Named Tiffany... -4 Tiffany is a dancer... -6 Tiffany has implants... -8
HER BIRTHDAY You take her out to dinner... 0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar... 1 Okay, it is a sports bar... -2 And it's all-you-can-eat night... -3 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team... -10
THOUGHTFULNESS You forget her birthday completely... -20 You forget your anniversary... -30 You forget to pick her up at the bus station... -45 Which is in Newark, New Jersey... -50 And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast... -60
A NIGHT OUT You take her to a movie... 2 You take her to a movie she likes... 4 You take her to a movie you hate... 6 You take her to a movie you like... -2 It's called DeathCop
3... -3 Which features cyborgs having sex... -9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans... -15
FLOWERS You buy her flowers only when it's expected... 0 You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it... 20 You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself... 30 And she contracts Lyme disease... -25
YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable potbelly... -15 You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it.. 1 You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts... -30 You say "I don't care because you have one too"... -800
FINANCES You spend a lot of money on something impractical... -5 Something she can't use... -10 Such as a motorized model airplane... -20 And she got a small appliance for her birthday... -40
DRIVING You lost the directions on a trip...