"Employee Performance Reviews" joke

These are said to be "actual" quotes taken from performance reviews.
1. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiousity.
2. I would not allow this employee to breed.
3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
4. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
5. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be.
7. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
8. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
9. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
10. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
11. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
12. A room temperature IQ.
13. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
14. A prime candidate for natural diselection.
15. One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.
16. Fell out of the family tree.
17. Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
18. If brains were taxed, she'd get a rebate.
19. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
20. It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
21. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
22. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
23. This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better.
24. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
25. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
26. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
27. Bright as Alaska in December.
28. Donated his body to science before he was done using it.
29. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
30. He's so dense, light bends around him.
31. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
32. Stand close enough to him and you can hear the ocean.
33. One neuron short of a synapse.
34. Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.