Ignoramus Jokes

1. I would not allow this employee to breed. 2. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won’t be. 3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. 4. When she stops to open her mouth, it seems it is only to change whichever foot was previously there. 5. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle. 6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy. 7. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. 8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. 9. This employee should go far and sooner he starts, the better. 10. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. 11. The biggest tool in the shed. 12. Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t looking. 13. A room temperature IQ. 14. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it together. 15. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. 16. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on. more...

QUOTES ARE FROM ACTUAL EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS:
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
6. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
7. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
8. "He sets low personal standards an then consistently fails to achieve them."
9. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
10. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
11. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all more...

A few shrimps short of a barbie.

A few spoons short of a full set.

A few straws shy of a bale.

A few tiles missing from his space shuttle.

A few tiles short of a successful re-entry.

A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree.

A few volts below threshold.

A few yards short of the hole.

A flash of light, a cloud of dust, and... What was the question?

A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

A hop, skip, and jump from success, but to get there he`d have to give up chewing gum.

A kangaroo loose in her top paddock.

A lap behind the field.

A little light in his loafers. (Apparently offensive to some? Sorry.)

A looney tune.

1. I would not allow this employee to breed.
2. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won't be.
3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
4. When she stops to open her mouth, it seems it is only to change whichever foot was previously there.
5. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
7. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
9. This employee should go far and sooner he starts, the better.
10. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
11. The biggest tool in the shed.
12. Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't looking.
13. A room temperature IQ.
14. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it together.
15. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
16. A more...

A few shrimps short of a barbie.
A few spoons short of a full set.
A few straws shy of a bale.
A few tiles missing from his space shuttle.
A few tiles short of a successful re-entry.
A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree.
A few volts below threshold.
A few yards short of the hole.
A flash of light, a cloud of dust, and… What was the question?
A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
A hop, skip, and jump from success, but to get there he’d have to give up chewing gum.
A kangaroo loose in her top paddock.
A lap behind the field.
A little light in his loafers. (Apparently offensive to some? Sorry.)
A looney tune.