"Excuses" joke

These drastic measures were inadvertently taken in notes written by parents to excuse their children's absences from school. In all fairness to pupils throughout the land, I must point out that slaughtering the English language is a practice that is not limited only to students. An astonishing number of grown-ups blithely go about murdering the King's English without any inkling that they are committing a serious crime. If you think that today's students aren't learning all they should, check out some of the writing miscreated by their moms and dads. The following are actual excuse notes received by teachers.
Dear School:
Please eckuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. Pleazse excuse Roland from P.E. for a few day. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. Mary could not come to school because she has been bothered by very close veins. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. Please excuse pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (several mispellings of diarrhea crossed out) the &*%^$. Please excuse Tom for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak. Irving was absent this morning because he missed his bust. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear. Please excuse Harriet for missing school yesterday. We forget to get the Sunday paper off the porch. and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. Please excuse my son's tardiness. I forgot to wake him up and I did not find him till I started making the beds. Sally won't be

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