"Female definitions" joke

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. - A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n. - What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. - You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but he "made the dinner".
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. - Gotta get married in a church.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. - You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say focus... breathe... push..."
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. - An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. - A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&M's.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. - The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. - To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery list (grow*ser*ee list) n. - What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. - Someone who is able to create style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician".
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. - Similar to a black hole in space: if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. - On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park (park) v./n. - Before children, a verb meaning "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. - The most important ingredient for dating, marriage, and children. See also "tranquilizers".
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. - A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds and romance but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. - Comes off if you cry, shower or swim but will not come off if you try to remove it.