"Girlfriend 1.0 Upgrade" joke

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and
noticed that the new program began unexpected child
processing that took up a lot of space and valuable
resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included
in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0
installs itself into all other programs and launches
during system initialization where it monitors all
other system activity. Applications such as Poker-night
10.3 and Beer-bash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the
system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge
Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going
back to Girlfriend 1.0 but uninstall does not work
on this program. Can you help me? Dear Sir,
This is a very common problem men complain about but
is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people
upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea
that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT"
program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed
by its creator to run everything. It is impossible to
uninstall, delete, or purge the program from the system
once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0
because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have
tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up
with more problems than original system. Look in your
manual under Warnings - Alimony / Child Support. I
recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the
situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest
you read the entire section regarding General Protection
Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for
faults and problems that might occur. The best course of
action will be to push apologize button then reset button
as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smooth as long
as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great
program but is very high maintenance.