"High Tech Marketing Buzzwords - What They Really Mean" joke

NEW - Different color from previous design
ALL NEW - Parts not interchangeable with previous design
EXCLUSIVE - Imported product
UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition
DESIGNED SIMPLICITY - Manufacturer''s cost cut to the bone
FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments
ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn''t understand it
IT''S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
FIELD-TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment
HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit
DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distributor
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one that works
REVOLUTIONARY - It''s different from our competitors
BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it
FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does
DISTINCTIVE - A different shape and color than the others
MAINTENANCE-FREE - Impossible to fix
RE-DESIGNED - Previous faults corrected, we hope...
HAND-CRAFTED - Assembly machines operated without gloves on
PERFORMANCE PROVEN - Will operate through the warranty period
MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours
ALL SOLID-STATE - Heavy as Hell!
BROADCAST QUALITY - Gives a picture and produces noise
HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it
SMPTE BUS COMPATIBLE - When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound
NEW GENERATION - Old design failed, maybe this one will work
MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS - We got a good deal at a government auction
CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY - You can return it from most airports
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE - Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way
BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES - We finally got it to fit together
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED - Manufacturer''s, upon cashing your check
MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED - Does things we can''t explain
LATEST AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY - One of our techs was laid off by Boeing