"How many rednecks does it take to eat a 'possum?" joke

I farted in an elevator yesterday... it was wrong on so many levels.

Confucius Says: It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

I'm no weather man but the forecast is calling for several inches tonight !

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then when you do criticize that person, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...