"Husband 1.0" joke

HUSBAND 1.0 There are alot of pressures to upgrade from Boyfriend 6.0
to Husband 1.0. However before doing so make sure you understand the
implications of this change...
For one, system activity will be severely limited and you will be compelled
to instigate rigorous daily routines in space management, garbage disposal
and disc cleaning often with an accompanying increase in system
administration. This program can also be a drain on many resources and
demand constant attention. You will encounter an increased amount of
interrupts and error messages, while the program often cancels processes
without warning, very often crashing the system. In addition, Husband
1.0 often refuses to respond to your commands and frequently appears to
be running processes which you have not authorised. If this happens
alot, do not respond to any interactive requests from the program and
severely limit demand for extra bytes.
Every evening there will be a huge surge in demand for megabytes and if
not satisfied, the process will become unresponsive and has been known
on occasion to damage hardware.
Every so often you will be promised a new release of the program, but
unfortunately, upon loading this new release, it is generally found to
be almost identical to the old one, with very few feature changes and
most of the same old annoying bugs which you were undoubtedly promised
would not be there in the new release. Put up with it or discontinue use
entirely. Husband 1.0 is a flawed program; many of the bugs are so
deeply encoded that, even if they can be located, they are inpossible to
eradicate and have to be tolerated.
Husband 1.0 will frequently make use of low level language and may not
understand higher level commands so you must be prepared to use basic
functions when required. Often a few robust algorithms in handshaking
mode will produce a good response.
After a while, Husband 1.0 has a tendency to take up more space than
originally allocated, often spreading in size and slowing down
correspondingly. If this happens, be very careful as there is increased
risk of complete system failure. Around this time, Husband 1.0 will also
tend to lose bits from the top of the stack, although these will often
multiply and be found lower down the stack.
Another problem with this program is that Husband 1.0 can also spawn
unknown child processes, which can sometimes inadvertently appear, make
huge demands on the program and force unwanted interaction with old
versions of 1.nightstand.
Sometimes, Husband 1.0 will end a process prematurely, before you have
the required result. This generally results in spawned processes
scattered over your system which must be located and removed. More often
than not, however, Husband 1.0 will appear to take an inordinately long
time to complete a relatively simple process. While waiting for tedious
processes to complete you may find it useful to distract yourself by
perusing manuals for alternative programs, Stud 2.0 or Lover 6.9
On completion of a process, Husband 1.0 will often inadvertently apply
the sleep command, or suspend system activity with a Ctrl ZZ. There is
nothing you can do in this case, but leave the program and try again
later.
Ultimately, as the program becomes older, it will become more difficult
to produce hardcopy, and you will find that most of you work ends up on
floppies. In addition, you will be needing software support more often
than you'd like. If and when this happens, try to find a copy of Toyboy
1.1. Make sure you have used Ctrl ZZ on Husband 1.0 before loading
Toyboy 1.1 and, of course, check for viruses before using any new
program. Toyboy 1.1 should come with new hardware which can be plugged
into any of your ports.