"Hypochondria is the only illness that I don`t hav..." joke

My mate Dave is serving a life sentence for something he didn't do.
He didn't wipe his fingerprints off the knife.

What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.

Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

I farted in an elevator yesterday... it was wrong on so many levels.

Chuck Norris pees in a can and sells it as redbull.