Illness Jokes

The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.

11. "Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on' It's a Terrible Experience'."

12. "Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice."

13. "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use large double door at the side entrance."

14. "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."

15. "The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."

16. "A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday."

17. "Today's Sermon:' How Much Can a Man Drink?' with hymns from a full choir."

18. On a church bulletin during more...

The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
Evening massage - 6 p.m.
The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
Ushers will eat latecomers.
The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
The pastor will more...

Hypochondria is the only illness that I don`t have.

I can't find a cause for your illness, the doctor said. "Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.""In that case," replied his blonde patient, "I'll come back when you are sober."

The "Macy's One Day Sale" Flu.
The "Drivers License Renewal Appointment" 24-Hour Virus.
The "Friday-Afternoon-Start-The-Weekend-Early" Sudden Unbearable Stomach Pains.
The "I'm Looking for a New Job and I Don't Know How Long
It's Going to Take, but I Want To Stay On The Payroll Until
Then" Mysterious Infection.
The "My Boyfriend's Got the Week Off So Suddenly I'm Too
Contagious To Come In To The Office" Disease.
The "I Need a Hair Cut and My Stylist Doesn't Make Evening
Appointments" Bout of Influenza.
The "There's No Federal Holidays for Two Months and I Want
a Day Off" Sickness.
The "It's Spring Break and I Want To Pretend I'm a Teenager
Again" General Ailment.
The "I've Screwed Up Royally and I Won't Come In To Face
the Music" Terminal Illness.