"Identifying wasted time" joke
TO: ALL PERSONNELFROM: ACCOUNTING It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter. Thank you, AccountingAttached: Extended Job-Code ListCode and Explanation5316 Useless Meeting5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting5319 Waiting for Break5320 Waiting for Lunch5321 Waiting for End of Day5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You5481 Buying Snack5482 Eating Snack5500 Filling Out Timesheet5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries5502 Waiting for Something to Happen5503 Scratching Yourself5504 Sleeping5510 Feeling Bored5511 Feeling Horny5600 Complaining About Lousy Job5601 Complaining About Low Pay5602 Complaining About Long Hours5603 Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)5604 Complaining About Boss5605 Complaining About Personal Problems5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining5701 Not Actually Present At Job5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu6102 Ordering Out6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit6201 Stealing Company Goods6202 Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods6205 Hiding from Boss6206 Gossip6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself6211 Updating Resume6212 Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter6213 Out of Office on Interview6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job6223 Pretending You Like Coworker6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)6602 Complaining6603 Writing a Book on Company Time6611 Staring Into Space6612 Staring At Computer Screen6615 Transcendental Meditation7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone7425 Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity8000 Recreational Drug Use8001 Non-recreational Drug Use8002 Liquid Lunch8100 Reading e-mail
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