"Lousy Day" joke
Entering a bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I am so pissed off!"
"Really?" What happened?" the bartender asked.
"Well, I met this gorgeous woman and she invited me back to her place.
We stripped off our clothes, jumped into bed and just as we're about to make love her damn husband came in the front door. So, I had to jump out the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!" the man explained.
"Gee, that really is tough!" replied the bartender.
"Right, but that's not what really got me angry," continued the man. "When her husband entered the room, he said, 'Great! You're already naked! Let me just take a leak'. Damned if the lazy bugger doesn't go and piss out the window right onto my head!"
"Yuck! No wonder you're in a lousy mood," said the bartender.
"Yeah, but I still haven't told you what really, really got to me," the man went on. "Then I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out the window. Where does it land? You got it! Rght on my damn forehead!"
"Wow, that really is a drag!" commented the bartender.
"Oh, I'm not finished yet. What really pissed me off is when the husband had to take a dump. It seems their toilet is broken so he stuck his ass out the window and let loose right on my head!" exclaimed the man.
"That would really mess up my day," the bartender replied.
"No kidding," the man rattled on. "but do you know what REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I finally looked down I realized that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!"
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
An old married couple were driving down the road one day when suddenly the woman punched her husband right in the face. He shouted, "what the hell was that for?". She replied, "That was for 50 years of the worst sex I ever had!" As they continued down the more...
Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!