"Military Decorations" joke
"What's that medal for, grandpa?"
"Oh, the Purple Heart, sweetie. You're given it when you're injured in the line of duty."
"And that shiny one with the eagle?"
"The Soldier's Medal, hun. I got it for pulling out two guys from a blown-up Humvee and dragging them fifty yards to safety through enemy fire."
"What about that HUGE gold one with Obama giving you a jumping high-five?"
"That's the Epic Win Award for Badass Motherf***ery. I got it for drop kicking a door that killed an insurgent on the other side."
A guy steps into an elevator and there's just one attractive woman in it.
He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast.
He says, "Oh, I'm so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you'll be able to more...
There's a Space Shuttle mission to the moon with 2 monkeys and a woman on board.
The headquarters in the US calls:"Monkey #1, Monkey #1 report to comms for instructions."
He sits down and he is told to release the pressure in compartment 1, increase the more...
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands more...
A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can more...