"Military Decorations" joke
"What's that medal for, grandpa?"
"Oh, the Purple Heart, sweetie. You're given it when you're injured in the line of duty."
"And that shiny one with the eagle?"
"The Soldier's Medal, hun. I got it for pulling out two guys from a blown-up Humvee and dragging them fifty yards to safety through enemy fire."
"What about that HUGE gold one with Obama giving you a jumping high-five?"
"That's the Epic Win Award for Badass Motherf***ery. I got it for drop kicking a door that killed an insurgent on the other side."
A woman's breasts are like a child's toys. They are meant for the child - but the husband is the one that usually ends up playing with them.
Q: What's the worst trick you can do to your blind brother?
A: Leave the plunger in the toilet
A guy steps into an elevator and there's just one attractive woman in it.
He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast.
He says, "Oh, I'm so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you'll be able to more...
There's a Space Shuttle mission to the moon with 2 monkeys and a woman on board.
The headquarters in the US calls:"Monkey #1, Monkey #1 report to comms for instructions."
He sits down and he is told to release the pressure in compartment 1, increase the more...