"Military might (explicit language)" joke
The heads of the four branches of the armed (US) military were standing around one day talking about which service had the biggest balls. After a lengthy debate, the four came to the conclusion demonstrations would have to be used to decide which was the best of the services.
First they went to an Army base. The Army general went up to a young soldier and to him to run through the firing range.
With a quick, "Yes, sir!" the private took off. Not five steps into his mission, he was hit several times and killed.
The Army general turned to the other three and said, "Now THAT takes balls."
Next they arrived at an air base where the Air Force general ordered a young airman to dive out of a plane at 10,000 feet, without a parachute.
The airman said, "Yes sir." and off he went. When at the required altitude, the airman hurled himself from the plane. He hit the ground with a nauseating squish.
The Air Force general turned to the other three and said, "Now THAT takes balls."
The next stop was a Marine base. The Marine general ordered the first Marine he found to lay down in front of an oncoming tank.
The Marine barked, "Yes Sir!" and ran out on the field. The tank roared over the poor Marine leaving very little to bury.
The Marine general turned to the other three and said, "Now THAT takes balls."
Finally they went to the coast to a naval base. The Navy Admiral walks up to one of the carriers docked at the pier and yells up to a young deck seaman.
"Sailor, I want you to jump off that carrier down to the pier where I'm standing."
The Sailor looks down at the admiral and said, "Pardon me sir?"
The admiral replied, "I want you to jump off that ship on to the pier."
The Sailor looks down at the seven stories to the pier, turns back to the admiral and says, "FUCK YOU SIR!"
The admiral turns to the other three with a grin from ear to ear and says, "Now THAT takes Balls!"
A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get overhere!" The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?" The more...
The President of the United States has a Top Secret Mission of the utmost importance he needs done.
He's going over files from 3 different candidates and calls in the first one who is a Navy SEAL. On the Presidents desk is a 9mm pistol. The president says in the next room is more...
As the President was getting out of the helicopter in front of the White House, he had a baby pig under each arm.
The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted and said, "Nice pigs, sirs."
"These are not pigs, young man," the President replied. more...
An Army Ranger was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However, he was not prepared to pay the high prices. After failing to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, he ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for more...