"Most Dangerous Snake" joke

NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)
LOCATION: Worldwide
DESCRIPTION: One-eyed, with a mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra layers of skin). Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous spit which can reach distances of up to 2-3 feet. Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood & subspecies.
SYMPTOMS: Attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. Beware: It has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen.
HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places.
ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote.
WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED:-
TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.
CUTTING THE WOUND: Completely unnecessary and ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyway.
SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim, but so far has not been reported to have led to any success.
SEARCHING FOR ANTI-VENOM:-
1. Place four fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile, with the thumb in the front.
2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion.
3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive, very rigid and start spitting. The length of time it takes for the milking process depends entirely on the milker and the last time the snake attacked.
4. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for approximately 20 minutes.
CONCLUSION:-
Although very aggressive and active, this snake is not necessarily a vermin, and treated with the proper respect, it makes a wonderful pet.

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