"Murphy's Laws Of Parenting" joke
Murphy's Laws Of Parenting...A child will not spill on a dirty floor.A lot of time has been wasted arguing over what came first, the chicken or the egg. It was undoubtedly the rooster.A young child is a noise with dirt on it.A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.Celibacy is not hereditary.Familiarity breeds children.For adult education, nothing beats children.God invented mothers because he couldn't be everywhere at once and God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.Having children will turn you into your parents.If a child looks like his father, that's heredity; if he looks like a neighbor, that's environment.If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.Insanity is inherited; you get it from your kids.It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents.Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - actually from Erma BombeckOne child is often not enough, but two children can be far too many.Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.The best thing to spend on your children is time.The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.There are three ways to get things done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your kids to do it.You can learn many things from children...like how much patience you have.
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...
What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because,' It's a lot of money!'
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her more...
A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?"
The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your more...