"Murphy's Laws of Combat" joke

* If the enemy is in range, so are you
Incoming fire has the right of way
Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire
There is always a way
That way is always mined
Try to look uminportant; they might be low on ammo
What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank
Teamwork is essential; it gives them someone else to shoot at
If orders can be misunderstood they will be
The tank is a monument to the inaccuracy of indirect fire
Odd objects attract fire. You are odd
Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud
Mine fields are not neutral
If they're shooting at you, it's a high intensity conflict
The weight of your equipment is proportional to the cube of the time you have been carrying it
The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack
If your attack is going well, it's an ambush
Never draw fire, it irritates those around you
When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy
Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder
Friendly fire isn't
Never stand when you can sit
Never sit when you can lie down
Never stay awake when you can sleep
A grenade with a 7 second fuse will always burn in 4 seconds
The enemy never watches until you make a mistake
Whenever you are low on ammo, you can never hit anything
The more a weapon costs, the further you will have to send it to be repaired
Interchangeable parts are not
The item you need is always in short supply
The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of it's operator
No combat ready group ever passes inspection
No inspection ready group ever survives combat
Peace is our profession, mass murder is just a hobby
All battles are fought at the junction of two or more maps
Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together
If you need an officer in a hurry take a nap
Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both
Tracers work both ways
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire
The effective killing radius is greater than the average soldier can throw it
Military intelligence is a contradiction of terms