"New Computer Viruses" joke

NEW VIRUS ALERT... immediately scan your computer for the following
viruses!
Pat Buchanan Virus:
Your system works fine, but complains loudly about
foreign software.
Colin Powell Virus:
Makes it's presence known but doesn't do anything.
Secretly you wish it would.
Hillary Clinton Virus:Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a
year later; in another directory.
O.J. Simpson Virus:You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but
you just can't prove it.
Bob Dole Virus:Could be virulent, but it's been around too long to be
much of a threat.
Steve Forbes Virus:All files reported as the same size.
Paul Revere Virus:This virus doesn't horse around, warns you of
impending attack. Once if by LAN, twice if by C.
Politically Correct Virus:Never identifies itself as a "virus", but
instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
Ross Perot Virus:Activates every component in your system, just before
the whole thing quits.
Dan Quayle Virus:Thier is simthing rong with yur koputer, but ewe cant
figyur outt watt!
Government Economist Virus:Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.
New World Order Virus:Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people
really mad just thinking about it.
Federal Bureaucrat Virus:Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little
units, each of which does practically nothing; but all of which claim to
be the most important part of your computer.
Lance Corporal Virus:Does all the work while the Nco's get credit for
it.
Marine Corps Virus:Invades, takes over and leaves the Army virus to
occupy
Army Virus:Always shows up to take the credit after the Marines have
defeated the enemy.
Dion Sanders Virus:Hypes itself up to be everything it's not.
Dennis Rodman Virus:Screen changes color every time it boots up and
headbutts or kicks you in the groin when you attempt to remove it.
Texas Virus:Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
Adam and Eve Virus:Takes a couples of bytes out of your Apple.
Congressional Virus:The computer locks up and the screen splits in half
with the same message appearing on each side. The message says that the
blame for the gridlock is caused by the other side.
Airline Luggage Virus:You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Freudian Virus:Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying it's own
motherboard.
PBS Virus:
Your program stops running every few minutes to ask for
money.
Ted Turner Virus:
It colorizes your monochrome monitor
The Gallup Virus:
60 percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data
14 per cent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin or error)
Elvis Virus:Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy; then self destructs
only to surface at shopping malls and service stations across rural
America.
Ollie North Virus:Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
Nike Virus:Just does it.
Sears Virus:Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power
supply and shocks.
Jimmy Hoffa Virus:Your program can never be found again.
Kevorkian Virus:Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
Star Trek Virus:Invades your system in places where no virus has gone
before.
Health Care Virus:Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong and
sends you a bill for $4,500.00.
George Bush Virus:It starts by boldly stating: "Read my docs...No New
Files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on
your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional
Virus.