"New Year's Letter" joke

Dear Pal:

Well here it is, the end of another year, and as is my custom I take out a little time to write a few of my good friends, it is the time when I remember all the good things that have happened to me in the past twelve months. When I reflect on the value of the friendships I have cherished over the years. When, in fact, I indulge myself to the extent of waxing a bit sentimental.

It's a snowy evening, the doorbell rings, intermittently, but here in my den it is cozy and comfortable and peaceful. I'm sitting before a nice open fire with my typewriter, sort of half-listening to the hi-fi, and slowly sipping a nice very dry double Martini. I surely wish you were here but since you are not, the least I can do is toast your health and happiness for the coming year so time out, old pal, while I bend my elbow with thoughts of you.

I just took a recess to mix another Martini and while I was out in the kitchen I thought of all the time I would waste during the evening, chasing back and forth, so I just make up a big picther of martinies and broughggt it back in with me so I'd have it right here beside me and wouldn't have to wast time making more of them. So now I'm all set and here goes pal. Besides Marinis are a great drink. For some reason they never seem to have the effect on me in the slightest that they have on oter fellas. Can drinj them all day longg so here goes.

The greatest think in tje whole word is friendship. A n believe me pal you are the greatet pal anybody every had. do you rember all the swel; times we had to gether pal/ The wonferful times on the road I8ll never forgt the time we were in Tledo and met that babe in the swlloon that redhesd. You rescl you.

I remenber you kept puting brandey in my drinj whehn I wasennt looking and it make me sicj and you rascale you snuck ofd with the redheed brod. Ha. ha. Boy hoew we laughd dint't we. It was pretty funny anywah. I still laught abot it onec in whiel. Not as mcuch as usd to. But whag the hell after all you stilk my bedst old pal pal. And if a guy canot havr a laughg with a treu froe, md once in a wihle waht the fuxk.

Escue me. Pictcher was empt so I just mde nother one. hot dam. I sure wish yoi were her olf pal help me drinj thes Martuni because they arw simptly delidious. I lifty my glasx to you good health oncemore you are the bests pall I got. Of cours why a pal would do a dirrty thing like that load up a pals drinj with branidy mak him sick as a dof, lousyt thing for antbody to do, onlhy a firdt class prock wold do a thing lije that. Wasnet a bit funny and if yoi thinj its funnyu you are aboyt the worsr dhit heeel I evre had the midforyune to make the aquantentce of you somb of birfh lous and as far as I am concerbed yot can go to helk and on th way kisa me ass.