Martini Jokes

A man who looked like a high-powered business executive began to drop in at Milton's Bar regularly, and his order was always the same: two Martinis. After several weeks of this, Milton asked him why he didn't order a double instead of always ordering two singles.
"It's a sentimental thing," the customer answered. "A very dear friend of mine died a few weeks ago, and before his death he asked that when I drink, I have one for him, too."
A week later, the customer came in and ordered only one Martini.
"How about your dead buddy?" Milton asked. "Why only one Martini today?"
"This is my buddy's drink," the man said as he gulped the Martini down. "I'm on the wagon."

A lady walks into a bar and says," Barkeep, gimme a martooni." The bartender goes back and fixes her a martini. She downs it and says, "Barkeep, gimme another martooni." So he goes back and fixes her another martini. She downs that, and just sits there and doesn't say anything. Finally after about 10 minutes bartender says," Would you like another?" She says," Oh, no, I got this terrible heartburn."
The bartender says, "Okay, there are three things wrong here:
Number 1: It's martini, not martooni.
Number 2: It's bartender, not barkeep, and
Number 3: You're not having heartburn, your boob's in the ash tray."

O'Brien walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

"S' cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what O'Brien had done, "what was that all about?"

"Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?" bar, drinking
Make a Sentence "Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat,' 'deduct,' 'defense,' and 'detail.' Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply:
''Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail!''

A businessman enters a tevern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartneder to preapre another double martini. After he finishes that, he agian peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring him another double martini. The bartender says, "look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinits all night long, but, yougotta tel me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home!!!!!!!!:)