"Occupational names (word origins)" joke

CHAUFFEUR
French for a "heater." Originally this term was used for a particularly nasty breed of robbers, who broke into houses, seized the occupants, and then tortured them by burning their feet in the fireplace until they disclosed where they had stashed their valuables.
Later, the word was applied to stokers of steam engines, including the early steam powered automobiles. Finally, chauffeur came to mean the driver of any car.
DIPLOMAT
Greek for "folded twice." A diplomat dealt in matters so secret that the documents required this special precaution.
LORD
In Old English the head of the house was called the hlafweard: "loaf warden," or "master of the bread." This approached the 1960s slang "bread" for what most people called money.
On the way to lord it passed through many intermediate forms, such as hlaford and louerd.
Similarly, a lady was originally the "bread-kneader," hlaefdige, before become levedi, levdi, and finally, in the 14th century ladi.
A retainer, in Old English, is a hlafeta, "bread-eater."
PONTIFF
Pontiff comes from the Latin pontifex, "bridge-builder." Once a year in ancient Rome the pontiffs, led by their chief, the pontifex maximus, or "chief bridge-builder," solemnly threw 23 straw dolls called argei into the Tiber. This was to compensate the river-god for the drowned travelers he had forgone as solid bridges replaced leaky rowboats.
With time, the Pope succeeded to the title: in English Supreme Pontiff. In recent years, however, he has neglected his duty to throw the dolls into the river.
John Train's Remarkable Words with Astonishing Origins should be blamed for most of this text, although the typing is mine alone.