Diplomat Jokes

A diplomat is a person who thinks twice before he says nothing.

A new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat. They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. "The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus, we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette."
The American frowned. "Russian roulette's not a very nice game." The diplomat smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play.
"I'll show you how."
He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later, six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in. "You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told the American.
"That's great," the ambassador said, "but it doesn't seem much like Russian roulette."
"Oh, it is. One of them is a cannibal!!!

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.
"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.
"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul. "White man sit on well.

Definitions of A Diplomat:
Always knows what to talk about, but doesn't always talk about what he knows. Always tries to settle problems created by other diplomats. Can always make himself misunderstood. Can bring home the bacon without spilling the beans. Can convince his wife not to hide her nice body under a floor-length sable. Can convince his wife to show off her new coat in a bus rather than in a taxi. Can juggle a hot potato long enough for it to become a cold issue. Can keep his shirt on while getting something off his chest. Can look happy when he has unexpected dinner guests. Can make his wife believe she will look fat in a mink coat. Can make nothing sound like something. Can put his best foot forward when he doesn't have a leg to stand on. Can put his foot down without stepping on someone's toes. Can say the nastiest things in the nicest way. Can tell a man he's open-minded when he means he has a hole in his head. Can tell you to go to hell so tactfully that you look more...

An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time wasbeing wined and dined by the State Department. The GrandEmir was unused to the salt in American foods (frenchfries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantlysending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with aglass of water, but then came the time when he returnedempty-handed."Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?"demanded the Grand Emir."A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered thewretched Abdul, "white man sit on well."