"Original List" joke

Original List:
1. Handsome.
2. Charming.
3. Financially successful.
4. A caring listener.
5. Witty.
6. In good shape.
7. Dresses with style.
8. Appreciates finer thing.
9. Full of thoughtful surprises.
10. An imaginative, romantic lover.

Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head).
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs.
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner.
4. Listens more than talks.
5. Laughs at my jokes.
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease.
7. Owns at least one tie.
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal.
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries.
10. Seeks romance at least once a week.

Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK).
2. Doesn`t drive off until I`m in the car.
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally.
4. Nods head when I`m talking.
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes.
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture.
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach.
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids.
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down.
10. Shaves most weekends.

Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed.
2. Doesn`t belch or scratch in public.
3. Doesn`t borrow money too often.
4. Doesn`t nod off to sleep when I`m venting.
5. Doesn`t retell the same joke too many times.
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends.
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear.
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner.
9. Remembers my name on occasion.
10. Shaves some weekends.

Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn`t scare small children.
2. Remembers where bathroom is.
3. Doesn`t require much money for upkeep.
4. Only snores lightly when asleep.
5. Remembers why he`s laughing.
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself.
7. Usually wears some clothes.
8. Likes soft foods.
9. Remembers where he left his teeth.
10. Remembers that it`s the weekend.

Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing.
2. Doesn`t miss the toilet.

Revised List (age 82)
1. Alive.