"Proper Diskette Care and Usage" joke

Never leave diskettes in the drive, as the data can leak
out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the
drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in
pencil holders.
Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week.
Microscopic metal particles may be removed by waving a
powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any
stubborn metal shavings can be removed with scouring
powder and steel wool. When waxing a diskette, make sure
the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to
spin faster, resulting in better access time.
Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the
drive. "Big" Diskettes may be folded and used in "Little" drives.
Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The
data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the
intricate mechanics of the drive.
Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through a
photo copy machine. If your data is going to need to be
backed up, simply insert TWO diskettes into your drive.
Whenever you update a document, the data will be written
onto both disks. A handy tip for more legible backup
copies: Keep a container of iron filings at your desk. When
you need to make two copies, sprinkle iron filings
liberally between the diskettes before inserting them into
the drive.
Diskettes should not be removed or inserted from the
drive while the red light is on or flashing. Doing so
could result in smeared or possibly unreadable text.
Occasionally, the red light remains flashing in what is
known as a "hung" or "hooked" state. If your system is
hooking, you will probably need to insert a few coins
before being allowed to access the slot.
If your diskette is full and needs more storage space,
remove the disk from the drive and shake vigorously for
two minutes. This will pack the data enough (data
compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover
all openings with scotch tape to prevent loss of data.
Data access time may be greatly improved by cutting more
holes in the diskette jacket. This will provide more
simultaneous access points to the disk.
Periodically spray diskettes with insecticide to prevent
system bugs from spreading.