"Psychic Enemies Network" joke
Went on a first date with a girl. It was going great. Had dinner, listened to some jazz. Walked around the Village [Greenwich Village, in NYC] a bit.
We came across one of those storefront psychic places. The ones with the word "Psychic" in neon lights. Very original ad campaign. My date wanted to try. I figured why not.
We went in, sat down, and "Zelda" or "Hazlette" or whatever her name is started to read my date's palm. "Oooh, you're going to have a long life... you will be very rich... and the man of your dreams is already in your life-and his name begins with the letter "D."
Now, I was pissed. My name is Ray with an "R." And the rest of the night my date kept wondering, out loud, who this "dream man" might be. "Maybe it's David from the gym, or Derek from next door. Maybe Daniel from the travel agency?"
I got so fed up I told her, "Maybe it's Dick-MINE."
Date was over.
And I walk by psychics a bit quicker now.
Two cats: Felix & Un-deux-trois, decided to have a race to see who could swim across the river first.Guess who won? Felix! Because Un-deux-trois cat sank.
(Un deux trois quatre cinq)
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Three ministers - a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist - and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and before long, they were standing before St. Peter.
First came the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter more...
2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift.
He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20, more...
Knock Knock
Who's there!
Duncan!
Duncan who?
Duncan make your garden grow better! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Duncan!
Duncan who?
Duncan disorderly again! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Duncan!
Duncan who?
Duncan buscuits in more...