New York City Jokes

Went on a first date with a girl. It was going great. Had dinner, listened to some jazz. Walked around the Village [Greenwich Village, in NYC] a bit.
We came across one of those storefront psychic places. The ones with the word "Psychic" in neon lights. Very original ad campaign. My date wanted to try. I figured why not.

We went in, sat down, and "Zelda" or "Hazlette" or whatever her name is started to read my date's palm. "Oooh, you're going to have a long life... you will be very rich... and the man of your dreams is already in your life-and his name begins with the letter "D."
Now, I was pissed. My name is Ray with an "R." And the rest of the night my date kept wondering, out loud, who this "dream man" might be. "Maybe it's David from the gym, or Derek from next door. Maybe Daniel from the travel agency?"
I got so fed up I told her, "Maybe it's Dick-MINE."
Date was more...

A sixty-year-old Sylvester Stallone stars in "Rocky Balboa", the sixth movie in the series. In this atmosphere of sequels to long-resting franchises, moviegoers can also look forward to "Die Hard IV: Dying of Prostate Cancer," and "Ghostbusters 3," in which the aging Ghostbusters return to Manhattan, only to discover that gentrification has pushed all the supernatural phenomena to Astoria.

The department of health stated today that there will be major changes forthcoming involving New York City restaurants rat problem.

First order of business, rat now available on McDonalds dollar menu.

A new school has opened in New York City. The first Gotham chapter of the Michigan based Charisma Arts will begin holding classes in August. The school is geared towards helping meet meet and connect with women without the prerequisite Jagermeister shots.
Courses range from the beginner course, "Women, Drop the 12-Sided Dice and Talk to Them" to the more advanced studies, "When to Use a Roofie" and "How to Act Like a Navy Seal."
Special Guest Lecturer and Professor Emeritus: Archbishop Don "Magic" Juan (Pictured Above)

Cos even if you're a convicted felon you can still get your own TV show. Like Martha Stewart. I'm all about second chances but start slowly. Martha should've been forced to sell lemonade on the street corner for a few years and then work up to knitting pot warmers for friends on Manhattan Cable.