"Quotes About Pets" joke

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the
car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at
nothing right in your ear. -Dave Barry
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three
times before lying down. -Robert Benchley
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you
later. -Mary Bly
In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone
should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore
him. -Dereke Bruce
Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they
have many other fine qualities as well. -Missy Dizick
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax
and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein
To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of
dogs. -Aldous Huxley
Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for
what you want. -Joseph Wood Krutch
Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many
ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. -Joseph Wood Krutch
No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless
absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. -Fran Lebowitz
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think
that's how dogs spend their lives. -Sue Murphy
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious
cult. -Rita Rudner
Ever consider what dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back
from a grocery store with the most amazing haul - chicken, pork, half a
cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! -Anne Tyler
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled
through snow. -Jeff Valdez
If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. -Alfred North Whitehead
There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all
owned by cats. -Anonymous
Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it
look like the dog did it. -Unknown
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never
forgotten this. -Unknown
Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God. -Unknown
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
-Unknown