"Real Signs Found In Various Places" joke

Unlike Humorless bureaucracies, real people can have fun with:
Real Signs Found In Various Places...

Sign in a maternity clothes store:
' We are open on labor day.'

Sign on the door of the maternity ward:
' Push Push Push.'

Sign in a non-smoking area:
' If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.'

Sign on a front door:
' Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.'

Sign on fence:
' Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.'

Sign on an electrician's truck:
' Let Us Remove Your Shorts.'

Sign in a realtor's office:
' Lots for little.'

Sign in a shoe store:
' Come in and have a fit.'

Sign in an optometrist's office:
' If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.'

Sign on a scientist's door:
' Gone fission.'

Sign in a taxidermist's window:
' We really know our stuff.'

Sign on used car lot:
' Second hand cars in first crash condition.'

Sign over a cannibal's hut:
' I never met a man I didn't like.'

Sign in a muffler shop:
' No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming.'

Sign at a hotel:
' Help! We need inn-experienced people.'

Sign in a science teacher's room:
If it moves, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.

Sign at the dry cleaner's window:
' Drop your pants here.'

Sign in an office:
' We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.'

Sign in a veterinary's waiting room:
' Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!'

Sign at a computer store:
' Out for a quick byte.'

Sign in a bowling alley:
' Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.'

Sign for a litter of dachshund pups:
' Get a `long` little doggie!'

Sign on a music library's door:
' Bach in a minuet.'

Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home, Labor Day Weekend:
' Please Drive Carefully. We Can Wait.