"Redefining the Emmys" joke

AWARDS SHOW Hollywood's only way of getting a bunch of high-profile names into a cheap low-budget production.
HOST A person who can deliver a line. . . only if it's written by someone else. . . as long as it's written on a teleprompter.
TROPHY Symbolically, an achievement of excellence to an outstanding individual; functionally, a paperweight.
ACCEPTANCE SPEECH Here are the different types of acceptance speeches:
1. Yellow Pages Speech - The winner, who carries his speech in a briefcase, thanks everyone he has ever met, but gets booted off stage before getting through the "R" section.
2. The Sermon - Suddenly, the winner becomes spiritually enlightened and decides to spread the word of God. By the end of it, you think he's going to give you a toll-free number where you can call-in your donations.
3. Gettysburg Address - Winner talks about a political problem occurring in a country that he couldn't find on a map.

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