"Redneck Computer Terms" joke
"Hard drive" -
Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
"Keyboard" -
1. Place to hang your truck keys.
2. Whare you're supposed to put da keys so da wife can find 'em.
"Window" -
Place in the truck to hang your guns.
"Floppy" -
When you run out of Polygrip.
"Modem" -
1. How you got rid of your dandelions.
2. What you did to da hay fields last July. (from NetDummy Humor)
"ROM" -
Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
"Byte" -
First word in a kiss-off phrase.
"Reboot" -
What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
"Network" -
Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
"Mouse" -
1. Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
2. What leaves those little turds in da cupboard.
"LAN" -
To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."
"Cursor" -
What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
"Bit" -
A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."
"Digital Control" -
What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
"Packet" -
What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.
"Tab" -
The amount of money you owe the bartender out of your next paycheck.
"Space bar" -
Where aliens and astronauts go when they are thirsty.
"Backspace" -
The place in back of front seat of the car where you keep a case of beer.
"Alt" -
Form of verb "be" like, "I alt be gone now."
"Delete" -
The lighter object like, "Don't gimmy the heavy one, gimmy delete one."
"My Briefcase" -
What you put all your ol' stuff in when "she" gets mad at you.
"Shift" -
What you must do when blue lights come on.
"Disc" -
What you do before you plow, to level the ground.
"Ram" -
1. Dodge pick up truck.
2. Da hydraulic thing that makes da woodsplitter work.
"Rom" -
Wander: "Wher' ya goin?" "Ah dunnow. Recon I'll jus rom round"
"Refresh" -
Mix another Jack Daniels and 7.
"Browser" -
Bowser's name when you're drunk.
"Web" -
DUH? should be obvious. What spiders make, tickles yer butt when you gotta go while in the woods.
"Edit" -
Past tense of "eat" "Wher'd that leftover possum belly go?" " You edit afore you passed out las nite.
"Gig" -
Frogging implement; frog gig. Used while air boating. A bamboo, or fiberglass pole with straightened fish hooks on the business end for spearing frogs.
"Internet" -
Where her fish were when she caught em ( In er net).
"Buddy list" -
Names and phone numbers on the inside wall of the public outhouse above the hole.
"Tab" -
Ancient soft drink, used to mix low calorie drinks with white lightnin.
"Computer Chips" -
What you have when your computer takes a dump, sorta like cow chips.
The following were contributed by Jeremy (The Yankee Redneck).
"Shift" -
What you do to get that truck to go.
"Ins" -
To Enter, as in, "Ins ya go, outs you go".
The following were contributed by Sonovabic.
"Scanner" -
1. What you do to a good lookin' woman.
2. What you listen to the police band on.
The following were taken from Net Dummy Humor.
"Log On" -
Making da wood stove hotter.
"Log Off " -
Don't add wood.
"Monitor" -
1. Keep an eye on da wood stove.
2. What you do when you suspect your wife of cheatin. (from Tweetheart86chic)
"Megahertz" -
When a big log drops on your bare foot in da morning.
"Floppy Disk" -
What you get from piling too much wood.
"Drive" -
Getting home during most of the winter in Kentucky.
"Prompt" -
What you wish da mail was during the snow season.
"Enter" -
Come on in.
"Windows" -
What you shut when it gets 10 below.
"Screen" -
What is a must during black fly season.
"Chip" -
In the beginning, God created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word.And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said more...